Indestructible

I am indestructible. I am not a good man or a bad man. I am one of the greatest men that walk this earth. I'm the greatest guy that any girl could look for. However, no one looks for me. I feel lonely yet i don't at the same time. My family thinks i'm a piece of shit. But I am not. I am indestructible because my emotions were stolen from me. My heart is no longer here. It went missing the minute my son reached this planet. This feeling of emptiness will always remain with me until the day I die. Death is inevitable, so it could happen tomorrow, it could happen during my sleep, it could happen next year. I will never know. But I will die knowing. This isn't the first time I died. I will always know, I died, October 7th, 2009. As far as I know, I am still dead. I will not return to life until everything is perfect. But when everything is perfect may never happen. But hopefully it will be soon enough. Today, I began thinking of possible candidates for a next girlfriend. But the list is bigger than anyone can imagine. If you think you are on the list message me. But I may only say maybe. Even though it is only a possibility. So if anyone believes they are on the list go ahead try to find out. But chances are, you are on the list. But every detail effects the list. So, even though you may think I'm a bad person, you do not know me. The details of my life are only told to those whom I trust with it and those who will think positively toward me after words. Even if you find out and talk shit on me, I know its not true because I am Indestructible.

Today Was Great

Today first started by me sleeping in, but I was late because my mom was watching AFV. Than 30 minutes after I got to school, I left for the trip to Derby. It was a little boring at the beginning, but it got better when we started to Sing. However, after lunch it was fun hanging out with Skylar, Paige, and Glenda. On the Bus ride back it was fun playing around with Skylar and Paige. I think Paige got mad at me, so she bit me. It still hurts :(. But it was fun. Well after I got home, it was boring and tiring so I took a nap. I just woke up at 8:55. Today's song on the Mind is Special Ed by Stephen Lynch, along with Broken by Seether feat. Amy Lee. It's been a fun day. But since I took a Nap I'm gonna be up all night long. Oh well, more time to work on my Pokemon, :(. which is pretty sad

The One I Can't Hold

Everyone has that one person they like very much. However that person is with someone else. And all you can do is watch and hope the person they are with brings them happiness. But, there are those that lose control and try to ruin things between the couple, and there are ones that wish for the best for the couple. I'm glad to be the latter of the two. Because there is a very amazing woman, but she already has a bf. And i am very happy for her. Even if i can't be with her, I still think positive. Even if she was single, the consideration to have a gf would go beyond the basic questions. Such as, Do i deserve to be with an amazing girl? Is she out of my league?

But these are big what ifs...

My Dark Passenger

Within all of us is a Dark Passenger. The Dark one that rides along with us. Some call it our conscious, some call it our spirit. My spirit is much more controlling than i wish for it to be. It has controlled my life, and ever since the day my life changed, it has never been the same. My Dark Passenger has made me feel things that i shouldn't feel. Like infatuation and depression. Along with this, it has made me feel, lonely, hopeless, and like an outcast. Even my passenger whispers in my ear, "I don't deserve her" along with, "you are a dumb ass for liking her." Maybe my passenger is right, and all the bullshit my therapist and parents are giving me. I just wish there was a sign that would fix my life. Instead of the horrible things, that just make it worse, why can't I get a miracle. If there are any miracles waiting for me. Is there any good things left for me, or am I just stuck with the horrific. When the good arrives, I will be forever happy. But until that day, My Dark Passenger will always sit besides me

July 3^rd_....

Beginning at 3:30 am. I can’t sleep, as I wonder what is going on in my pitiful life. This life is not what I had expected but it’s ok. I have Amazing and Beautiful friends who would never get with me. But who would get with an incredibly smart and charming guy like me? Exactly, only desperate woman who can’t handle being with an ass hole so they come to their Last resort. Sleepless nights perpetually thinking about Breanne and Kimberly. (1) Incredibly sweet and beautiful women. Who would get with me, never. I wish I was better but I’m never going to change. I want a normal life but hell I also want the woman of my dreams. Neither of who will ever like or love me. I may not believe in miracles but I need one.

Well it isn’t the 4^th of July but it sure as hell seemed like it. Freaking stuck with my retched family at my grandma’s house. Visiting the step cousins, aunts, and uncles was ridiculous. The cousins are incredibly dumb struck about firework safety, proven by lighting chain linked firecrackers 5 feet from the adults. Oh well, If I get my injured maybe someone will start to care.